Many people over the years have asked questions about my signature palette knife paintings. Arguably, they are the most interesting works I create because they are the most personal, and here is why.
Detail of Valor, 2020
I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. Most people just thought I was extremely nervous in certain scenarios because I was fine once I began speaking in a public space, or I ended up excelling at a public event. Nevertheless, I never knew how to get used to this feeling. If I always excelled, why could I not walk on to a stage more confidently?
It was only in 2018 I was able to begin correctly expressing how these nerves felt to me.
I would paint an idyllic scene with my palette knife and ultimately create a blurred expression of how I envision these scenes in an anxious state. I know where I am but colors, sounds -- it is as if everything halted in a moment and the "larger picture" of my environment ceased to exist.
Detail of Sound, 2020
This process is a method I use when expressing my nervousness with “normal/mundane” moments. Due to my anxiety stemming from, what is considered, very ordinary circumstances, the base images of my palette knife works derive from simple images as well, such as a field of flowers, a sunrise, or overlooking quiet street on a rainy afternoon. What I create through these images is a different concept, however. I turn these images in to how I perceive the world in these moments; a blurred, confusing, yet fully colorful moment. While the emotions may be overwhelming, I usually describe the environment as becoming pixelated, and as I try to “snap out of it”, the pixels form colorful streaks that form new images which, while captivating, is overwhelming.
Detail of Rise, 2020
These paintings are personal and have allowed me to express myself when words were simply not enough.
Sound, 2020 Rise, 2020